When One Spouse Retires Before the Other

Are you ready for retirement?

What if you’re ready but your spouse is not, or vice-versa?

This happens a lot: a survey found that for about half of couples, the husband and wife retire more than two years apart.

Most often, it’s the wife who retires earlier: the average age at retirement in 2016 was 63 for women and 65 for men; in 2021, the average retirement age was 62 for women and 65 for men.

Many people intended to work longer but are forced to retire earlier than expected. Health, caring for family members, and job loss are common reasons for retiring early. A survey by Goldman Sachs found over 60% of women retired earlier than expected and 66% retired because of circumstances beyond their control.

So, you will want to prepare for the financial and relational implications when one spouse retires earlier than the other.

We offer some suggestions for avoiding potential pitfalls when one spouse retires and the other doesn’t.

Talk Things Over

Communication is a key to avoiding marital conflict, but the majority of people don’t talk much about retirement in advance. Here are some ways conflict can arise:

  • When to retire: A survey by Fidelity Investments found 43% of respondents disagreed with their spouses about the proper age to retire.
  • Money: Spending: When one spouse is retired and starts spending while the other is still working and focused on saving, conflict can occur.
  • Roles in retirement: If one spouse is retired and the other is still working, they need to agree on the division of household tasks.

It’s crucial to work out as a couple the financial and relational aspects of retirement.

Just One Breadwinner Now

First, you’ll need to adjust to having just one paycheck when a spouse retires.

Your expenses may go down somewhat when one spouse retires because you save on commuting, dry cleaning, lunches, and possibly child care.

On the other hand, the retired spouse may be looking for new things to do, which may mean spending more money. A T. Rowe Price survey found for half of people, their annual spending increased by up to 25% after retirement.

The loss of income combined with uncertain spending can create some money worries. Here are some ways to ease financial anxiety.

Create a New Budget

In your new budget, figure out your income and expenses after one spouse retires. You’ll want to agree on spending. You’ll also want to plan to save and invest for when both of you are retired. For example, both spouses may be able to contribute to individual retirement accounts (IRAs), and the working spouse may also be able to contribute to an employer-sponsored retirement plan like a 401(k).

If you know a retirement is coming up, you can try out your new budget for a few months in advance. This “practice run” will show you what it will be like living without one income stream, so you know what to expect.

Cut Costs to Reduce Anxiety

If the loss of a paycheck is making you anxious, look for ways to cut costs. Look into senior discounts on meals out, travel, and other purchases. Traveling during off-peak seasons can also yield significant savings. You might look at canceling services you no longer need, [LINK TO INSURANCE IN RETIREMENT PAGE] scaling back streaming service subscriptions and gym memberships, or even selling one car or downsizing your home. You may also look at ways to generate additional income [LINK TO INCOME IN RETIREMENT PAGE].

Health insurance is another potential area of concern. For many couples, one spouse’s employer provides health insurance for both. If that spouse retires before Medicare eligibility, it may leave both of you without healthcare. You’ll want to look at ways to obtain alternative coverage. [LINK TO HEALTHCARE IN RETIREMENT PAGE]

“What’s For Dinner?”

Along with the monetary aspects, there are the relational and emotional aspects. The household dynamic will dramatically shift after one spouse retires.

You’ll want to discuss changing roles when one spouse is retired. The spouse who is still working may feel resentful of the other spouse’s free time. They may expect the retired spouse to take on more household tasks. Or the retired spouse may want to do things together with the working spouse, while the working spouse may want to relax and unwind at home in the evenings and weekends.

One woman hated her job but was hanging on for the employer-sponsored health insurance until age 65. She recalls coming home after work to find her retired husband sitting by the pool, sipping a martini, and asking her, “What’s for dinner?”

Couples may also drift apart when they are on very different schedules. The retired spouse may start to look for things to do on their own.

In other cases, the retired spouse may just stay around the house every day while the other spouse is at work. Social isolation is a common problem for many retirees.

Avoid “Retired Husband Syndrome”

“A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.” —Ella Harris

When just one spouse retires, it can be dangerous for a marriage, especially in the first year or two.

“Retired husband syndrome” is a widespread phenomenon; it’s been studied most extensively in Japanese society but spans cultures.

Unfortunately, many husbands don’t take to retirement well and become grouchy, fussy, and antisocial toward their wives.

Their wives become stressed and depressed and can’t sleep. They may also develop rashes, asthma, or high blood pressure.

The phenomenon can also happen to the husband after the wife retires. Many couples fight more and are less satisfied with their marriages if one spouse retires before the other.

Once both spouses are retired, however, couples are more satisfied with their marriages and argue less than their still-working counterparts.

There’s no one solution that works for all couples. Here are some suggestions:

Stay Connected to Each Other

Although the working and retired spouse may have different schedules now, a successful marriage requires you to stay connected to each other. Regularly doing things together you both enjoy can strengthen your marriage. As the retired spouse pursues new interests, they may find ways for the working spouse to be involved and contribute.

Trying new things together can be good for a relationship. Research finds couples form a stronger bond when they engage in novel activities instead of following the same routine for years. Any new and enjoyable activity can make a couple feel younger and closer.

Keep the Communication Channel Open

As your new life as a semi-retired couple evolves, there are bound to be issues and concerns. Raising these and facing them honestly will help prevent them from reaching the crisis stage.

One area may be dividing up household chores. You may need to renegotiate the division of labor. The working spouse may expect the retired spouse to take on more tasks, but that can interfere with the retiree’s plans to explore new interests during their well-earned retirement.

When disagreements come up, discussing your differences openly and working to resolve them in a way that respects both spouses can make your relationship more intimate and loving.

Respect Boundaries

It’s important to stay connected, but also to respect each other’s needs. The working spouse, even if they’re working at home, needs a working area that’s quiet and free of distractions. The retired spouse might also need dedicated spaces and times to pursue hobbies or interests.

Prepare For Change

As you enter this new phase of your lives, both of you might change. The retired spouse may be picking up new hobbies and making new friends. The working spouse might be advancing in their career or starting new lines of work.

Simply transitioning to retired life can be a big change that comes with lots of different emotions. If the retirement was voluntary or due to job loss or family care can make a difference in how one feels. Strong couples notice the changes in each other and pay attention to each other’s goals and future plans.

Should You Retire at the Same Time?

Retiring at different times can put a strain on a couple’s relationship, but there are some advantages to doing it this way. “Staggering retirement allows the younger spouse to continue accruing Social Security benefits, provides continued access to employer-based health insurance and allows for a smoother transition to a fixed income,” says Rory Donadio, a financial advisor.

Having one spouse continue working for a while can ease money worries and continue providing access to employer-sponsored health insurance. Retiring one at a time may make the transition to retirement easier and smoother.

Then again, retiring together enables you to more fully share your retirement years with travel or other activities. You won’t have to coordinate schedules and can make significant life changes like relocating as a couple. “If you have shared dreams and goals, achieving retirement at the same time is quite rewarding,” says Catie Hogan, a financial coach.

The key is agreeing on what your expectations are for retirement and then working out the details as a couple.

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