One day you’re a husband, son, or brother. The next day you’re coordinating medications, insurance calls, and doctor appointments.
You didn’t necessarily see it coming. Maybe your wife received a difficult diagnosis. Maybe your father’s health suddenly declined. Maybe a sibling needed more support than their family could provide.
However it happened, you found yourself in a role you weren’t trained for, didn’t choose, and may not have even had a name for at first: caregiver.
You’re not alone, even if it often feels that way. Although caregiving is traditionally thought of as a woman’s role, the fact is that millions of men over 60 are in exactly the same position — quietly providing care, managing the logistics of someone else’s health, and figuring it out largely on their own. About 40 percent of family caregivers in the U.S. are men, which equates to around 16 million individuals. Furthermore, 34 percent of caregivers are aged 65 or older.
Most caregiving resources are written with women in mind, which leaves a lot of men feeling like the information out there wasn’t made for them. This article is.
What follows is a straightforward look at the practical side of caregiving, the emotional side, and how to take care of yourself in the middle of it all — because none of it works if you run yourself into the ground.
Table of Contents
You’re Not Alone — But It May Feel That Way
Research consistently shows that male caregivers are less likely than women to identify themselves as caregivers at all. Many men describe what they do as “just helping out” or “taking care of things” — not as a role with a name, a community, or resources attached to it. That framing, while understandable, can leave you more isolated than you need to be.
You might spend the morning on the phone with Medicare, the afternoon driving to a neurologist appointment, and the evening trying to convince your spouse to take medication she insists she doesn’t need.
Whatever your specific situation, the emotional aspect of caregiving — the worry, the constant physical and emotional fatigue, the moments of unexpected tenderness, the occasional resentment you immediately feel guilty about — is shared by men all over the country. Naming what you’re doing as caregiving isn’t weakness. It’s the first step toward getting the support you need and deserve.
The Practical Side: Getting Organized
Men often approach caregiving the way they’d approach any complex project: figure out what needs to be done, make a plan, execute it. That instinct is genuinely useful. The challenge is that caregiving involves a constantly shifting set of variables — medical appointments, medications, insurance, legal documents, and more — and the system isn’t always easy to navigate.
A few areas worth getting ahead of as early as possible:
Medical records and communication. Keep a running document with diagnoses, current medications (including dosages), allergies, and the names and contact information of every specialist involved. Bring it to every appointment. Ask doctors to communicate directly with you if possible, and don’t hesitate to ask them to explain things in plain language.
Legal documents. These documents are essential:
- a durable power of attorney
- a healthcare proxy
- an updated will
An elder law attorney can help if the situation is complex. These documents are far easier to establish before a crisis than during one.
Insurance and finances. You’ll want to understand what Medicare, Medicaid, or private insurance covers — and what it doesn’t. Ask specifically about home health aides, adult day programs, and respite care if you need these. A geriatric care manager or social worker can help identify programs you may not know about.
Help from others. If other family members are available, dividing responsibilities isn’t a sign that you’re struggling — it’s good management. Adult children often assume that Dad has it handled unless he says otherwise.
Be specific when asking for help: “Can you drive Mom to her Thursday appointment?” or “I need you to take over the pharmacy pickups.” These work better than a general request that no one acts on (“Can you help out? I can’t keep doing all of this alone.”)
The Emotional Side: What’s Happening Inside
This section is the one most men skip. Don’t.
Caregiving involves grief — sometimes for the person you’re caring for, and sometimes for the life you had before. If you’re caring for a spouse with dementia, you may be grieving the loss of your companion, your partner, your social life, and your future plans all at once, while that person is still alive. This kind of grief has a name: anticipatory grief. It’s real, it’s common, and it’s exhausting in a way that’s hard to explain to people who haven’t experienced it.
You may also notice frustration, and then feel guilty about the frustration. That cycle is nearly universal among caregivers. Frustration doesn’t mean you love the person less or that you’re not cut out for this. It means you’re human and the situation is hard.
Most men in this position were raised in a culture where talking about these feelings — especially to friends — didn’t feel like an option. That cultural conditioning is worth pushing back against, at least a little. You don’t have to talk through everything. But finding even one person you can be honest with — a friend, a counselor, a support group — makes a measurable difference in how sustainable this is over time.
Taking Care of Yourself Without Feeling Guilty About It
There’s a reason every safety briefing on an airplane tells you to put on your own oxygen mask first. It’s not a metaphor about selfishness — it’s a literal instruction about what happens when the person responsible for others runs out of air.
Male caregivers over 60 are at elevated risk for a specific and serious problem: they tend to let their own health slide while focusing on someone else’s. Missed physicals, deferred medical concerns, poor sleep, reduced exercise, social withdrawal — these pile up quietly until they become crises of their own.
Here are a few warning signs of caregiver burnout:
- Irritability that feels out of proportion; also severe anxiety, guilt, or resentment
- Constant tiredness but trouble sleeping when you have the chance
- Avoiding friends or hobbies you used to enjoy
- Frequent colds or health issues
- Cognitive issues like inability to focus, memory problems, or indecisiveness
Think of your own health maintenance as part of the job. If you collapse, the person you’re caring for loses their caregiver. Taking care of yourself is a practical necessity, not self-indulgent. Keep that in mind if you feel uncomfortable prioritizing yourself.
Practically speaking:
- Keep your own doctor’s appointments
- Get enough sleep, even if that means asking for help with nighttime care
- Eat reasonably well
- Stay connected to at least a few people outside of the caregiving situation.
- Consider respite care — temporary coverage that gives you a break — not as abandonment but as maintenance.
Resources Worth Knowing About
The caregiving support community is larger than many people realize, and lots of resources are free or low-cost. A few places to start:
- AARP Caregiving(aarp.org/caregiving)
- Offers practical guides, financial/legal advice, and personal stories tailored for caregivers, including men.
- Features a male caregiving perspective in some articles.
- Family Caregiver Alliance (FCA)(caregiver.org)
- Provides state-specific resources, fact sheets, and webinars.
- Includes content on the unique challenges faced by male caregivers.
- National Alliance for Caregiving (NAC)(caregiving.org)
- Research-based reports and advocacy resources.
- Caregiver Action Network (CAN)(caregiveraction.org)
- Practical tips, support forums, and expert guidance.
- Encourages peer support among male caregivers.
You’re Doing Something That Matters
Caregiving is hard. It asks a lot of you — your time, your patience, your energy, sometimes your own plans and dreams. It can be lonely and thankless and relentless. And it can also be, in ways that are difficult to articulate, one of the most fulfilling things you’ll ever do.
Men who take on this role often do so without fanfare, without complaint, and without much acknowledgment. If that describes you, consider this a small acknowledgment: what you’re doing is noticed, it matters, and you don’t have to figure it all out alone.
Ask for help when you need it. Use the resources available to you. Take care of yourself. And give yourself some credit for showing up every day to do something most people don’t fully appreciate until they’re doing it themselves.